Coffice Space

One day, while I was sitting in my coffice (coffee-office, most rights reserved to vlad on this one) I happened to glance at some of the advertisements lining the walls. Most were what you'd expect: guitar lessons, math tutors, missing dogs, etc. But among these one in particular caught my eye. It may have been the bright yellow paper on which the ad was printed, or it may just have been destiny but I found myself reading about an animal communication workshop run by one Ms. Johns. Not just any animal communication workshop – a "level 1" animal communication workshop. I guess that's the equivalent of a yellow belt.

The ad informed me that attending the workshop would enable me to awaken my natural ability to communicate with animals. Cool! Apparently I could improve my already impressive skills (telling the cat to completely ignore me, etc.) using hands-on exercise and guided meditations. This sounded a little suspicious to me. Was Ms. Johns planning to put me into a meditative state and then put her hands on me? Anyway, this training would allegedly teach me the three skills necessary to develop my abilities. Unfortunately the ad didn't specify what those abilities might be.


Nothing I had read so far prepared me for what was to follow: "We'll also experience tapping into the higher collective consciousness of whales."

I'm normally a rather open-minded guy. But this was pushing it, even for me. Not only did she presume to know about the existence of a higher collective consciousness shared among whales, not only did she claim to be able to tap into it, but she was also proposing to do this in Tucson, Arizona – in the middle of the desert, hundreds of miles away from the nearest ocean!

As Vlad once said – there are no Whales in Wales, and I'm pretty sure there are none in the middle of the Arizonan desert!